Deanne Tobias Abedon

August 24, 1937 - July 22, 1996

obituary | memorial service | in lieu of flowers | comments

Deanne Abedon, my mother, a.k.a., Double Dee, died on July 22, 1996 in West Palm Beach, Florida. She had, until her death, bravely survived a long battle with lymphoma, insomnia, and the caring for her aged parents. She died while in search of the rest she both badly needed and very much deserved, two days after her 35th anniversary of becoming a mother, and a day after I last talked with her in celebration of that day. I hope that, in her last moments, she found the rest and peace that she was seeking. Many are saddened by her untimely passing including:

Thank-you to all of you who have known and loved Deanne over the years and who have expressed sympathies since her death. We dearly miss the love she had had for life and hope that she has found the rest for which she yearned and which she deserved.

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Deanne's memorial service was held at the Park's Mansion in Danbury, Connecticut (across the street from Immaculate High School) at 11:00 am on Saturday, August, 3, 1996.

A poem:

Here I site upon a graceful branch.

Enclosed within the canopy of a special tree

Pondering how to say goodbye

Searching for words that do not come easily

Of love, of sorroy, of anger, of respect.

You acquired irreplaceable wisdom and love in your lifetime

Which you showered upon me

As a summer's rain moistens the parched ground.

You are the embodiment of the earth

And I am your child

You nurtured me from conception in your womb

Suckled me at your breast

Helped me grow..........then let me go setting me free

Encouraged me to discover who I was, who I need to become.

How do I say goodbye?

I never questioned your presence in my life

Now I am confronted with the reality of your mortality

With the realization that you will live on only within me

And within the people whose lives you touched

And within the things you have left behind.

You have left us too soon-

What about the house that now will never be built for you?

What about the grandchildren whom you will never watch grow?

What about the garden cultivated by your experienced hand?

What will become of them all?

You were a mother not only to your children

But to everyone who entered your life.

Your house was always open.

There always was room for others at your table.

Your concern about the welfare of others never ceased.

The beauty and peacefulness of these surroundings

Is stark contrast to the torment of your final days.

I have searched deep within my past to understand your suffering.

Now the clouds have been lifted and the pain has ceased.

You are again at peace in a place you loved.

As you did while living, your essence will continue

To nurture the things around you even in your passing.

We will return you to the precious earth

From which you came and in which you believed

And complete the cycle of life in your name.

-B.G.A.

Sincerest thanks to Steven Weiner and family to whom we are indebted for their above and beyond the call of duty efforts to make Deanne's memorial service possible.

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"My mother died earlier this year. Space seems evermore empty and silent since. I feel her continued love but there is a melancholy attached and no locus to assign these feelings. The cells recoil when the attachments are decoupled. The stream of love persists redoubled in our devotion to our children and to those who still like us. The heart can grow sweeter every time it is crushed. If we can stay open to our pain we find less occasion for bitterness. We become like a fine, smooth wine. So we lift a cup to our good mothers and pass on their complex nurturance."

- Michael Johnson (michael_johnson@hphc.org), August 20, 1996

"I'm sorry to hear about your mom; she was a great lady and I'll always remember fondly! She was such a generous person, always willing to help out her fellow neighbor. . . She always found a way to lend a hand; Lord knows she bailed (us) out of a few messes over the years! I'm glad to know her pain has stopped and she's at peace now. Soon, I hope, you both will find your inner-peace as well. The legacy she left behind lives on, the pain will lessen, and the acceptance will become easier--trust me."

- awaiting permission to print author's name

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In lieu of flowers, we request that you plant a tree in memorial of both Deanne's life and her love for the natural world. The following organizations accept donations for the planting (or preservation) of trees: